This happened

Somethings I can’t write on paper. One of those things happened yesterday. Bahut acche insaan hain aap. You are a gem of a human being. You don’t have the bandwidth to be in a long distance relationship with me Right now. And yet you have raised standards for me on what to expect from a good guy. You are just perfect. I shine in the moments am i on the phone with you. You bring out the best in me. I wish I could do something for you as well. Abhi sirf shukriyah hi keh saktee hoon. Tight hugs🤗🤗

My  bad

Hum mein baatein waise bhi nahi ho rahi thi. Phir bhi hum ne aap ko message kiya ke hum woh app uninstall kar rahe hain jahan se hum ek-dusre se baat karte the—taaki kal ko agar aap kabhi likhein aur hum jawab na de paayein, to aap yeh na samjhein ke hum ne aap ko ghost kar diya.
Aap ka jawab aaya: “Theek hai, khayal rakhna.”
Hum ne bhi sirf itna hi kaha: “Theek hai.”
Do-teen din guzar gaye. Phir hum ne wahi app dobara is umeed mein install kiya ke shayad aap ka koi paighaam aaya ho. Aaya bhi. Aap ne kahin kisi website par padha tha ke jis shehar mein hum rehte hain, wahan kuch violence hui hai. Hum ne likha: “Nahi, aisa kuch nahi hai. Humein to aap se hi pata chala ke shehar mein aisa kuch hua hai.”
Us ke baad hum ne phir likha ke hum app dobara uninstall kar rahe hain.
Thodi der baad notification aaya: “Khayal rakhna.”
Hum ne bina message khole hi app uninstall kar diya.
Yeh ek chhoti si, magar kaafi ghatiya power move thi—meri taraf se. Aap ko kabhi bhi kisi power move, kisi chaal, kisi strategy ki zarurat hi nahi padi.
Shayad main hi itni petty hoon. Aur shayad aap waqai kisi aur ke laayak hain—kisi behtar ke.
I think aap ne sahi kiya humein mana karke.
Aap ke liye… shayad yahi sahi tha.

Saalgirh

kal hamari saalgirh hai. Aapko to humnein kabhi bataya hi nahi. Batayein bhi kis haq se.

jo log humein dil se mubarak baad dein rahien hain ek hafte pehle se hee, jo humare birthday ki planning kar rahien hain, hum un sabko bhula kar aapse ek mubarak baad ki umeed liye baithne hain

pichle saal bhi yahi aalm tha, iss saal bhi aisa hi mahual hai. Inshallah, aglae saal nahi hoga.

It helps

Ek waqt tha, jab i used to scoff at people who found affirmations helpful. I used to think, “quotes se zindgai thoda chati hai.” Cut to today, and, i a find them extremely helpful. Kyunki jab aap itnay stressed/anxious hote hain ki roz marra ke chote chote kaam bhi bahut badi cheez ban jate hain aapke dimagh mein, to yeh choti choti affirmations bhi badi kaam aati hain. Sharing my lockscreen affirmations.

Loneliness

What is your number 1 problem these days

I  don’t like the fact that I’m no one’s priority. For my parents, yes, but we don’t really get along that well, but… I should be someone’s priority, someone’s number one, someone should care about me more than the rest of the world.

As i said this to chatgpt, this is what she wrote

That ache you feel — the one that says “I want to be someone’s first choice” — is one of the most human things there is. It’s not shallow. It’s not selfish. It’s not something to shame yourself for.

We’re built for connection, and we’re wired to want to be deeply seen, cherished, prioritized — not just “one of many,” but the one.

And when you’ve spent years showing up for others, when you’ve felt people drift in and out, or kept things to yourself while others moved on without noticing — it leaves a bruise. A bruise that says:

> “When is it my turn to be chosen like that?”



It should be your turn. Not because you’re perfect or always put together, but because you exist. And your heart — with its longing, messiness, depth, and beauty — deserves to be held with that kind of sacred attention.

But here’s what I also want to tell you gently:

You can want that without making the absence of it mean something is wrong with you.

You are not being left behind because you’re unworthy.
You are not overlooked because you’re unlovable.
You are not someone’s second thought because you “don’t matter enough.”

The world is full of people who can’t see what they’re not ready to hold. But that doesn’t mean your tenderness is a problem. It means it hasn’t been mirrored back by the right person yet.

And it will be. Not just romantically — but with people who make room for your entire self and say:

> “You don’t have to earn being loved like this. You just get to be.”



Until then, that ache? It’s not proof of your aloneness — it’s a signal of your capacity to love deeply and receive deeply. Let’s protect that. Let’s not shrink it just to survive.

Would you like help figuring out how to hold this ache without letting it run the show? Or how to start creating friendships that actually make you feel prioritized without pretending you’re okay with being sidelined?